Tears Are For The Weak! 2015 Year In Review!

This is my last blog post of 2015 as the holidays will envelope all of us next week! Thus I give you:

“My non sequitur end of year round up!” (AKA “Tears Are For The Weak!”)

End of Year round up part one:
Pie Crusts- A good part of my holiday will be spent making pie crusts. Pie fillings are easy (mostly), it’s the pie crust that’s hard, and I don’t bother with pre-made pie crusts. Life’s too short. I also may attempt a two layer cake (one layer banana and one layer chocolate. Or carrot banana rum cake as I’ve made some Banana rum bread recently that turned out great. Also, I will drink Rum while making crusts.

End of Year round up part two:
Pope Cartoon- It’s been a life long dream of mine to sell a cartoon involving the Pope to The New Yorker. This is the year that dream came true. #catholicschoolpaidoff  #norumwasinvolved

End of Year round up part three:
Failures (also, I lied*)- Many great things happened over the last twelve months, but I’m not going to post them here (*except for in part two where I mention the Pope Cartoon). The sketch below is from a children’s book proposal that has been rejected by about four publishers so far. That’s how it goes sometimes. It may eventually find a home, or perhaps never. Maybe it IS really that bad. It could be time to move on to the next proposal and bury this one in the back yard. From time to time I could visit it’s grave and pour some Rum on it as one tear falls cinematically from my cheek. Or not. Rum is expensive. And tears are for the weak.


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Rejected! And Accepted! And Rejected (A Brief History of Humor and me)

tissue joke Humor. Who likes it? Everyone for the most part. Who likes my humor? Not everyone. If you read any of my social media, you know I’ve sold my first cartoon to the New Yorker recently, The Mount Everest of cartooning by some people’s standards. But nobody is more surprised by this turn of events than me. My history with humor is filled with love, hate, confusion and once in a very rare while a few laughs. I’ll skip the hate and confusion of my childhood and move on to the few laughs of adulthood. I know I mentioned “love” too, but that was just a lie to give this essay some sort of hope.

Thus, we start in the 90’s. Even though the syndicated comic strip was already on it’s long slow death spiral, a friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and I decided to harness our humor powers and submit a comic strip called ‘Heads Hollow’ to the syndicates. Thus, we wrote and drew 24 ‘gags’ and sent off our strip to every syndicate we knew of. I thought it was a masterpiece of comedy. Today, I still have all the rejection letters (and some hate mail) we received from said syndicates. Full of sadness, but undaunted, I then sent out a post card to all all the places that bought cartoons and or humor. I got ONE response back from new Nickelodeon Magazine editor, Chris Duffy. Nickelodeon Magazine liked my humor! Or Chris did at least and bought many semi humorous comics from me. Encouraged by this turn of events, I then created my own single panel gag cartoon and sent them off to the syndicates. Again, I still have all the rejection letters (and a few cease & desist letters) that the syndicates sent me.

Years later, and now living in NYC, I again felt that being funny could earn me some extra bucks, and found myself working at a humorous greeting card company. This company (which wishes to remain anonymous) only publishes greeting cards with photos of cute animals on the front with a funny line on the inside. Our job was to brainstorm funny lines to match up with cute animal pictures. I never sold a single idea the entire time I worked there. Although, I did think I had some genius ideas! Like my idea of a card with a photo of a black cat taking a bath in milk with the tag line: ‘I’m ready for my close up, Annie Leibovitz’s! Have a purrrrfect Birthday! Whoopi!’ Or my idea for a picture of baby ducks having accidents in little toy cars with the tag line: ‘There’s been a quack up on the I-50 north! Speaking of 50 and baby ducks, Happy 50th birthday baby!’ Despite the fact that I enjoyed their unlimited free bagels and laughing at my own jokes while they stared at me blankly, I eventually left that job simply to avoid being fired. In this internet age, I tried my hand at my own on line comic ‘Brother Sasquatch’ which got 50-60 hits at the most on any given day. A failure? I never got any hate mail for that strip so…yes, a failure by today’s standards.

I won’t bore you with the New Yorker story (just yet). If you’re reading this you probably know that for that one cartoon that made it into the magazine, I have hundreds of rejected cartoons. The cartoon up at the top is one of the very first of my New Yorker cartoons to be rejected. I have posted other New Yorker rejects previously, before I was willing to admit ‘who’ was rejecting them. You can see them here, and here.  I leave you with one more rejected cute animal greeting card idea. Picture of a couple of little ducks at a dinner table which is covered in various types of crackers. Inside of card says,”Don’t go quackers on your anniversary! HILARIOUS!

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