Easter Fact One:
This weekend is Easter, and many of you are busy with the Pagan (or not Pagan depending on what side of the “War on Easter” you take) ritual of painting the unborn embryos of chickens in bright happy colors. Likewise, some of you may be tempted to partake in the eating of Cadbury Creme Eggs. This is not a Pagan ritual per say, but…large swaths of society will shun you if your are caught dating someone known to frequent Cadbury Creme Egg dens.
Easter Fact Two:
I tried my hand at submitting some Eater themed cartoons to the New Yorker, but as you can tell by the above title, it didn’t work out. I guess they didn’t want the hate mail. Easter Fact Three:
Bunnies are cute.
Thursday I took Stella, my dog, to the Vet for routine vaccinations and blood work. She lost half a pound and seems in good health for those who care! Everyone else seemed to be having a bad day though.
As I sat down in the waiting room while my dog was in the back getting blood draw, I was instantly hit by a fairly powerful smell. Looking down I saw the cause right between my feet. “Excuse me.” I said to the receptionist. “Someone left a poop here on the floor.” I said indicating that it wasn’t me who did it.
She was very sorry and came out to clean it up as a woman with a small dog arrived wearing torn pants and in obvious pain. On the way to the vet, she had fallen on the sidewalk and cut her knee as well as hurting her arm.
“I’m just happy I didn’t fall on my dog” She said before asking for band aids. The vet tech came out with bandages and alcohol wipes for her wounds. She often dropped these items and I had to help her here and there as her one hand hurt. She blessed me.
Then another woman arrived, crying and telling the receptionist that her dog had diarrhea. I wondered what the crying was about as dogs often have diarrhea (and yes diarrhea CAN drive one to tears). She was soon on the phone and telling a friend that her dog had diarrhea in her cousin’s house and he kicked her dog. She is living there temporarily as she just moved here for a job. The dog was active and appeared in good spirits.
“God will sort those people out.” The woman we had just patched up told her, but this wasn’t advice that would help with the current situation. Sadly none of us had any solutions for her situation as more people showed up with their dogs. One 13 year old dog with a tumor the size of a soft ball on his leg. Finally, Stella came out, overjoyed that she was free. Stella, being a cute small dog, then endures many people asking what type of dog she is, can they pet her, and re enactments of the “STELLA!” line from ‘A Street Car Named Desire.’ Yes, everyone does that. Every. Time. They. Meet. Her. I told the woman with the cut knee that I hoped she recovers okay and she assured me she would. We both wished the other woman who’s dog had been kicked good luck with her situation. We both wished we could help more so, but we had no real solution for her.
And…as for something completely different, just so you have something to look at, yes I’m drawing pirates again. I can’t tell you why, who or what for, but this is a little peek at a what is a whole boat load of them!
Humor. Who likes it? Everyone for the most part. Who likes my humor? Not everyone. If you read any of my social media, you know I’ve sold my first cartoon to the New Yorker recently, The Mount Everest of cartooning by some people’s standards. But nobody is more surprised by this turn of events than me. My history with humor is filled with love, hate, confusion and once in a very rare while a few laughs. I’ll skip the hate and confusion of my childhood and move on to the few laughs of adulthood. I know I mentioned “love” too, but that was just a lie to give this essay some sort of hope.
Thus, we start in the 90’s. Even though the syndicated comic strip was already on it’s long slow death spiral, a friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) and I decided to harness our humor powers and submit a comic strip called ‘Heads Hollow’ to the syndicates. Thus, we wrote and drew 24 ‘gags’ and sent off our strip to every syndicate we knew of. I thought it was a masterpiece of comedy. Today, I still have all the rejection letters (and some hate mail) we received from said syndicates. Full of sadness, but undaunted, I then sent out a post card to all all the places that bought cartoons and or humor. I got ONE response back from new Nickelodeon Magazine editor, Chris Duffy. Nickelodeon Magazine liked my humor! Or Chris did at least and bought many semi humorous comics from me. Encouraged by this turn of events, I then created my own single panel gag cartoon and sent them off to the syndicates. Again, I still have all the rejection letters (and a few cease & desist letters) that the syndicates sent me.
Years later, and now living in NYC, I again felt that being funny could earn me some extra bucks, and found myself working at a humorous greeting card company. This company (which wishes to remain anonymous) only publishes greeting cards with photos of cute animals on the front with a funny line on the inside. Our job was to brainstorm funny lines to match up with cute animal pictures. I never sold a single idea the entire time I worked there. Although, I did think I had some genius ideas! Like my idea of a card with a photo of a black cat taking a bath in milk with the tag line: ‘I’m ready for my close up, Annie Leibovitz’s! Have a purrrrfect Birthday! Whoopi!’ Or my idea for a picture of baby ducks having accidents in little toy cars with the tag line: ‘There’s been a quack up on the I-50 north! Speaking of 50 and baby ducks, Happy 50th birthday baby!’ Despite the fact that I enjoyed their unlimited free bagels and laughing at my own jokes while they stared at me blankly, I eventually left that job simply to avoid being fired. In this internet age, I tried my hand at my own on line comic ‘Brother Sasquatch’ which got 50-60 hits at the most on any given day. A failure? I never got any hate mail for that strip so…yes, a failure by today’s standards.
I won’t bore you with the New Yorker story (just yet). If you’re reading this you probably know that for that one cartoon that made it into the magazine, I have hundreds of rejected cartoons. The cartoon up at the top is one of the very first of my New Yorker cartoons to be rejected. I have posted other New Yorker rejects previously, before I was willing to admit ‘who’ was rejecting them. You can see them here, and here. I leave you with one more rejected cute animal greeting card idea. Picture of a couple of little ducks at a dinner table which is covered in various types of crackers. Inside of card says,”Don’t go quackers on your anniversary! HILARIOUS!